When you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and deepen your relationship, your end goal is to get married, start a family, have kids on your own, and live a happy life. This what life is all about when you are in a relationship. However, what if you get married, and you are not blessed to have kids? What are you going to do?
Marriage is one of the greatest blessings from above, and when you are married, you dream to start a family with the person you love.
My husband and I are together for almost 12 years now; we do not have kids. Nevertheless, did we purposely not to have kids? No! I got married at 34 years old; we tried to have a baby naturally for three years, but no luck. When we are not getting any results, we decided to go to fertility specialists. After a thorough examination for both of us, we found out I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome PCOS) and a blocked fallopian tube on my left ovary that hinders me from conceiving.
My Reproductive Endocrinologist suggested having surgery is one procedure to unblock it, and we can conceive naturally. Another recommendation is to have an In Vitro Fertilization (IVF); between the two methods, she recommended that IVF will be more useful for us. Both procedures cost too much money. I was 38 years old at that time when we see the specialists. We should be financially prepared if we will be doing this.
We think about it for a few years because of financial problems; they are too expensive. We went back several times for a checkup and asked until what age a woman can undergo In Vitro Fertilization (IVF); the doctor said you could have IVF until forty-five; however, it is a 50/50 chance success rate. We plan our resources where we are going to get all the money for the procedure. We can do it if we are desperate, but in the end, we choose not to do it. We weigh all the pros and cons. We will be in significant debt since our insurance will not cover the procedure. Most insurance plans do not cover IVF. Also, undergoing IVF will take between two and three cycles to achieve a pregnancy, which costs a lot of money. For ordinary people like us, this is hard to do.
What is it like to be married and not having kids?
First, did we have regrets about not doing the procedure? Yes and No! because we both agreed not to do it, not just about the financial burden but also the health risks. Due to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I developed Type 2 Diabetes; because of all the complications, my health will be put at risk if I get pregnant. When I made that choice, I prayed for it so God will give me the courage and strength to accept the fact. It is like losing someone you love; it hurts because you can no longer have that the person. It is the same thing when you give up on wanting to have a child. You have to be free of guilt with your decision because it is you who made that decision. It would be unfair if it happened we got a baby, and we will be in too much debt; how can we raise the baby properly. Science helps a woman conceive, but I also believed that if it is not God’s plan for you, it is not meant to be.
Second, did it affect your marriage because of not having kids? Married life is not a bed of roses, meaning as you live together, you will always have fights and disagreements, but if you value and love each other, this is nothing. Forgiveness is key to a happy relationship.
Third, how you maintain your relationship as a couple? We support each other. And we travel when we feel that our life is getting bored and stagnant. We watch concerts, and do little things that make us happy; we visit family and friends and play with their kids.
Lastly, How did you overcome your sadness about not having a child? Of course, I felt sad at first and almost fell into depression, but it passed. Every woman dream of rearing a child of their own, but the circumstances not allowed me. Whenever I felt the urge to bond with kids, I visit my little niece, and sometimes I video chat with them. We travel and go to different places that we will enjoy. I accepted everything, I also believe that God has a plan for each of us, and if it not his will, it will never happen. It is hard at first, but I overcome it day by day.
You cannot have everything in life; even though you did not get what you want, you have to continue living. I make myself busy back then. I started a small business. And now, here I am, sharing my experience through this platform to the world. All of us have different gifts, and motherhood, fatherhood, parenthood is not for everyone. However, it will not stop us from being a spiritual mother or father to our nieces, nephews, kids of our friends, and so on. For all the childless women out there, never underestimate your worth. Continue soaring and discover your passion; your talents; God up there has a perfect plan for you.
Though the fig tree does not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food . . . yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation(Habakkuk 3: 17-18)
To all the childless woman out there, this our story; what are yours?Let us connect or Comment down below. Thank you, and have a blessed day!